On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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