I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
