saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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