those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
