1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize