Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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