He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
