Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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