i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
