Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
