If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
