Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
