just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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