my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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