The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
