she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
