He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
