the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
