And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
