Will you blow on my dice?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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