was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
