you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
