I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
