Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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