I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize