So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
People in love make me want to vomit
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
