Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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