she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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