"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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