I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
