I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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