I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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