I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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