I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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