You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
