I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
