Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize