I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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