we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
