Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
