I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
porn star boner night. come get it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
