NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
