I wish my penis had an off switch
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize