i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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