I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
