found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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