I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize