So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
