Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
