OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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