I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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