This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
