we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
