Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize