i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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