whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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