just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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