My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
