we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
