i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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