And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
