If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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