Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
