i'm signing you up for texting rehab
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
