So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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