mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
not ubering you a puppy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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