I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Floor bacon is actually really good
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
