so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize