We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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