i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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