Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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