sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
