do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
