I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
