just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize