chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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