Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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