You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
