Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
