She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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