That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
