He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
