dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
