Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
