for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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