It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
