I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
