I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize