I wish I could punch you in the face.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
