fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
