So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
