the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
