i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
