Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
