Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
