paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I want to walk on stilts...naked
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
