life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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