I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
