I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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