i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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