just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you never un-have a 4some
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
