My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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