Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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