You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
