They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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