Your tits are I can't wait for
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
