when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
