if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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