I wanna passion pit in your ass
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
