so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
