I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
