I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
