Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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